My life is the furthest thing from perfect. There are days where I have cried myself to sleep, been so busy that I didn’t even bother to comb my hair or put on makeup; I’ve said hurtful things to people I love, and I’ve had days that dragged out, feeling like years as I struggled to believe that I even mattered, or made a difference. And yet somehow in the midst of this imperfect life I’m living, God has managed to use me. Despite my imperfections, and regardless of my lack of faith in my moments of overwhelming inadequacy, He was there to pick me up and help me run this race . So if you’ve felt the sting of comparison, and discontentment, believing that you are alone in feeling not good enough, this blog is for you. You will relate, because it’s being written from a girl who has walked a mile in those shoes. Yes, even seemingly “popular” bloggers struggle with this. No one is immune.
I don’t know what it is about social media, but it has a way of having me assume everyone has it together except for me. I often scroll through my feed, ooh-ing and ah-ing at the beautiful photos of friends, family, and other bloggers. It always starts out innocent. And then as time goes on, I start to feel discontent. I feel like I’m not good enough. Popular enough. Perfect enough. My hair suddenly looks horrible. My clothes now seem outdated. My kids seem a bit less “wonderful”, and my husband becomes a lot less “thoughtful” in my eyes. Because after all, everyone else has it better than me.
And how scary is that? That in minutes my blessed and wonderful life can seem so boring and “average”? One thing I love about the God I serve, is that He knows how to steady my heart. He knows how to open my eyes to what is true, and graciously helps me to fight against the lies.
This morning as I read my bible, I came across 1 Timothy 6:6-7 which reads, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and we can take nothing out of it.”
That verse hit me hard today. I am so prone to focus on gaining status with the THINGS, (and sometimes even loved ones) I have, and that God has blessed me with. Whether it’s my cute little one story house, my style, my close knit (and super adorable!) family, my fun and exciting day trips, and vacations, and so on and so forth. It can quickly be about ME and not about God. If I’m not careful, I can end up promoting myself, rather than using my influence to be an arrow that points to Jesus.
I spent time in prayer, desperately trying to get to the root of my discontent spirit. I soon realized in those moments where I’m feeling this way, I’ve taken my eyes off of the cross, and chosen to make things about myself, and MY personal gain. (Yikes!) This Pinterest quote is one I hold dear, because it is so convicting: “I’d rather be whispering Your name, than live an empty life shouting my own.”
This is often my anthem as I press forward in this life of mine that longs to glorify Christ. It can’t be about me. I must move out of the way for the sake of the gospel. So I’m working on that. I don’t want it to be all about me. Because reality is, I’m far from perfect. And apart from Christ, I have nothing of value to offer you, or anyone, anyways. I’m just an ordinary girl who has been beautifully redeemed by her Creator.
So I want to be bold from now on. I don’t want to shy away from sharing my faith out of fear of rejection, or failure. I’m just going to trust that God will use me as I strive to serve Him. I know it sounds so cheesy, but I want to be a world changing Christian. So I have to (prayerfully) kick this habit of comparison, because it breeds discontentment. I’ve said it before, but I believe that if just one person went out of his/her way to love others with genuine sincerity, it could start a snowball effect. And maybe if God so chooses, the result could be lives saved.
Psalms 96:3 “Declare His glory among the nations, His wonders among all people.”
From now on, I’m going to look at the tiny squares of peoples lives differently. Rather than seeing bodies, I’m choosing to see souls. And each soul needs Jesus.